A hand in the dark

Truths became lies and lies became truths,
All I was looking for was I way out,
My world was dark twisted and bent,
When you came along and took my hand like heaven sent,

It was not your intention not at all,
But somehow you found a way to break down the wall,
Helped me deal with the pain,
And steered me away from going completely insane,
You are a real friend and that is true,
This is my way to say thank you,
Even if things change and might not be the same,
You can be sure I will remember your name,

A new day

Embrace the future that comes with the morning light,

And see the promises on the horizon,

Because whatever happens today and whatever people say,

Tomorrow will always be a brand new day,

Time to go Bananzas

New year,
New times,
Time to go bananzas

I look to the stars

I look to the stars tonight,

Lighting up the darkness they shine,
so bright so bright,

I ask them questions they’ll never answer,

Singing them hymns they’ll never hear,

Chasing away my darkness,

My anxiety my terror my fear, 

I look to the stars tonight,

With silent promises of worlds to discover and feelings unknown, 

They fill me with joy and inspire me,

Letting my thoughts run wild and free, 

I look to the stars tonight,

Forever burning in the darkness shedding their light, 

They make the world seem so bright so bright,

A scar from the past

The wind turns to a whisper in the air,
Letting the waves run its course and disappear,
The water is telling me it has something to share,
I look down on the surface and I see,
Deep down,
Why the water have been calling me,
In the reflection of my own face,
There is a scar of something that I should embrace,
I ripple the surface and it is all gone,
But it still echoes in my heart like a long lost song,

A new breath

In a faraway place in a distant land I take my first breath,

Now I can exist,

And now I can live,

I can feel the northern wind playing in my hair,

And carefully filling my lungs with new air,

Wild as the flames of the fire it transpire upon me,

A seed of will growing from the within,

Creating something different that is about to begin,

In my heart faith in the future has taken shape,

My eyes now see the reflection of a whole new landscape,

The burden I bear

It’s only a few more,

But it’s starting to get really hardcore,

Balancing the bits and pieces that gets in my way,

I’m not going to ask because I know what you will say,

Life is tough that’s how it is,

And don’t you worry you’ll get through even this,

I know my friend I know,

And like you I will learn and I will grow,

And I know that by some I am admired,

I’m just getting really really tired,

I take a step

I take a step,
In my head there is a mystery,
But I try my best,
I take a step,

It is so hard to see,
Where my efforts are taking me,
But I try my best,
I take a step,

I fight to get through,
And start anew,
Suddenly everything feels so untrue,
But I try my best,
I take a step,

I lost my sight and I am blind,
Trying to leave the pain behind,
My thoughts and feelings were suddenly declined,
I wish it all to be more defined,
But I try my best,
I take a step,

Something inside of me is awake,
No longer hidden or fake,
Putting everything I am at the highest stake,
There is only one path I can take,
And this is a step I have to make,
I try my best
I take a step,

Dance my puppet, why won't you dance?

Sometimes it's just hard to pick yourself up when you're down

No mystery

I am no mystery,

I am clear,

Maybe you are looking at your own reflection,

Or maybe you are trying to see perfection,

But I am no mystery,

I am clear,

If you care enough to see,

Look into my eyes and tell me,

I am no mystery,

I am clear,

Emotion of the fall

When the cold is creeping up the wall,
And the spirits of darkness surrounds us,
I close my eyes and breath,
As I reach out in pain I see,
There are those who never leave me,
No matter where I run,
No matter how I try to hide,
They follow me silently,
Never pushing me aside,
Flowing warm and full of life,
A feeling of happiness emerge,
Spreading inside my broken essence,
Giving me hope and peace,

Sometimes I wish I could follow my heart more

I would not be here,

If I would have followed my heart from the start,

I would not have faced the things I have faced,

Walked the paths that I've walked,

And seen the things I have seen,

Am I grateful?

Perhaps,

Do I regret it?

Perhaps,

All I know is that while I am here,

My heart wish it was somewhere,

All the way,
Over there,

Shadows

Sometimes I can't help but feeling so small and so alone.

As the dust from the struggle clears and covers the ground a new path is born,

Into the mist in leads with promises of a better way and another life,

Exhausted and broken I stand with only my own life hidden in my hands,

Tempted I look into the distance where the road leads,

Lifting my precious fragile life close to my heart I whisper to the wind,

I do not dare,

Still my feet start to wander onto the misty road,

Shaking with fear I see myself taking a path I never thought I would take,

Scoooore!!

Or I mean hole in one.

Some time ago I was suppose to go golfing with my flatmate and two friends. So they went to meat me in front of my building. But because I am a bit slow they send my flatmate in to get me. The thing is that when he is in one elevator on his way up I’m already in the other elevator on my way down. A classic isn’t it? When he gets down again we both notice that we have forgotten to take our passports with us (we need them to get over the border from Gibraltar to Spain) so we both go up again to get them. One of our friends is at this point really irritated and the other one is just very amused.

After that little delay we finally manage to cross the border and go to the golfing area. When we walk inside to pay we notice that it is really quiet, too quiet. In fact there are no people around at all and then, we see a note with the opening hours. They closed 5 minutes before we got there. Unlucky I would say.

To still finish the evening with doing something fun we went to eat at a tapas restaurant in La Linea. The tapas were delicious and the finishing meat plate really finished us off. It was a mountain of meat and even though we were four people, three of us manly men, we could not finish it. Later when I got home tired and filled with meat I got inspired to draw this little picture.

Ps, The man on the picture is one of the employees at the golfing range that was playing after working hours.

On one dark day

....she asked the clouds to gather. By touching the sky with her hands she let the light gather above her head ready to let it spread over the world. For a moment, with the power bursting through her body tearing her human side asunder, she felt no fear and no remorse. In that moment she was ready to fight together with this world.

Some days ago I was really pissed over something (sorry can’t tell you the reason because it’s very personal). I was so angry I did not know what to do with myself. So I ended up in my bed with tears running down my face, drawing my anger away. Afterwards I dried my tears and looked at what I had created. Somehow my drawing is better when I am very emotional. I think I draw too much with my heart. It did however feel really good to take something bad like my anger and make it into something good. But even if this is one of my better pieces it can still get a lot better, especially my skill in drawing hands and feet. They are just so damn hard to draw.

Ah!! Evil lives in my mailbox

No just kidding. It only rented it for a couple of days, paying with terror and misery.

A little horror is good for inspiration I noticed. So a draw this picture to show you the evil that took a bit of my dignity.

When I got home the other day and was going to check my mailbox I got a nasty surprise. When I opened it up this little fellow was inside ready to bite my head off.

Chocked by fear a screamed loudly and slammed the lid shut and locked it. Lucky for me no one was around to laugh at my little scene. Well home in my apartment a thought "Well it's no big deal. I can ask my flatmate to bring in the mail". So when he got home I asked him if he is afraid of spiders. He looks chocked at me and says: "Spiders! Where?!" That face expression was priceless. I wish I had taken a picture of it. Anyway, so he is out of the question.

The next day I ask the guard or janitor of this building, not sure what he is really: "Are you afraid of spiders?" He looks at me with almost the same expression as my flatmate and says: "It depends on how big they are". Hihihi, I didn't tell him it was a small one. So he get a plastic bag from Morrisons as protection over his hand and follows me to the mailbox. Passing the elevator I hear the guy who just stepped in laughing his ass off. Damn him!

Once we open the mailbox that little bugger jumps up the guards face an bite him. Nah that was a lie. The spider wasn't there anymore, he must have known we were coming. So the guard removes the spider web left and even he laughs at me. I felt like I left a part of my dignity with that spider but it was worth it. Still I am scared of looking in the mailbox again. These evil creatures of Gibraltar. They are bigger and more poisonous than I am used to and I am scared.

Yes you are right Kim...

It has been to long since my last update. The last couple of weeks a have tried to sketch at least 5 minutes every day. Although I have only sketched 5 minutes 4 days a week. Which is still pretty good compared to before.

My awesome friend gave me a awesome tip to a site where you can train your sketching abilities: http://www.posemaniacs.com/.

Among other things they give tips on how to draw fast and have pictures of humans i different poses. So this is what I have been training with the last couple of weeks. In the method I have been using they show a pose for 30 seconds and then they switch to another pose so you have to be quick. I am still pretty slow so I always skip the hands and feet. And for some reason it is always easier for me to draw women than men. It could be because I get distracted by all the manly muscles on the model. But hey, I am a straight young woman after all so things like this are out of my control.

I have now been practising for 4 weeks and I think I see a tiny, tiny improvement so far. Anyway here are some random pictures from my sketchbook from the last weeks. I hope that the next time I update the sketches will be better.

PS. Who is the lord of power? ANDNING! During one of my Taido lessons we learned that breathing in only through the left nostril makes you use the right half of the brain more and the other way around. And since you mostly use the right part of your brain while drawing I tried this trick and it actually made me sketch better. Sadly I can't remember which pictures a draw before and after this trick anymore so I can't show you.

Loads of pictures

I finally have a camera so I can photograph my pictures and put them up here. I must admit thought that I have been quite lazy with my sketching lately. But I'm loaded with a new sketchpad and some new motivation so just you wait. Here is what I got since last time.

The home of the boy that nobody likes. At least it used to be.

I'm sorry guys but he has already been adopted, so you

will have to find someone else to do your dishes.

Random face blowing away in the wind.

A couple of weeks before Joakim and I broke up I draw this. Sometimes your heart tells you before your head know it. Isn't it strange?

It is when I was at the bottom in my dark pit that I realized how blessed I am. To be surrounded with people who keeps giving when I am empty and have nothing to give in return. This is for my friends and family. Thank you for loving me and keeping my fire still burning when I'm dying.

After death comes rebirth, right? At least for the phoenix bird. I wanted to draw a symbol for rebirth but the wings got too heavy for the poor bird. Well the first try is often a struggle.

A couple of days later I draw this one. I felt it did rebirth more justice. Rebirth with a new future at hand. Can you feel it?

Bad Annika and good Annika

Yes that's right, bad of me not posting a picture until now, but good of me to not give up on this blog. As I have been really bad at drawing lately (there is just to much going on in my life right now) I will post this old picture that I draw my first week in Gibraltar. Enjoy!

Hands Only and The Girl In The Box Of Glass

So now I finally have internet again. I feels bad about telling you that I'm going to update the blog every week but then nothing happens in about a month. But as I haven't had any Internet for a while I hope you understand. Anyway here we go.

Girl in the box of glass.

I draw this one day when I felt kind of downbeat. I'll let the picture do the talking. Take a guess about how I felt. The hands are really bad, I know. It's really hard to draw hands. That's why I decided to practice drawing hands and hands only.

Hands, the first try.

Hands, second try.

Hands, third try.

I like this one by the way. It makes me kind of proud to have been able to do something like this. What shape do you think the hands making?

Hands ,fourth try.

Seems I went backwards on this one and got the proportions all wrong.

Well that's it about hands. See you next week with a new picture.